The Art of Mapmaking

Classic children's literature has a way of untangling complex ideas; core truths are presented to readers in a simple, yet memorable way. For example, in his timeless story of Alice in Wonderland, Lewis Carroll penned these lines: "Alice came to a fork in the road. 'Which road do I take?' she asked.'Where do you want to go?' responded the Cheshire cat. 'I don't know,' Alice answered. 'Then,' said the cat, 'it doesn't matter.'" The art of living and meeting goals begins with a designing a reliable map.

I often notice the pattern of good intentions often going awry when working with new clients. There are many explanations for this but if I had to summarize the common thread that runs through each situation, I'd have to say that what is missing is a clearly formulated plan, a road map, if you will. A road map that not only establishes the rules but one that specifies an appropriate action plan. What's true for clients is true for the rest of us, too. How can we stop procrastinating and follow through with our own "action plan?" Can we truly learn to change non-productive patterns, and if so, how do we proceed?

The answer lies, in part, by bringing our attention to our own patterns of reaction when procrastination occurs, and by reviewing our belief system, noticing how old beliefs continue to create dissonance with our new intentions. In some ways beliefs are like children. They play the same old broken tape day in and day out. If the "tapes" persist long enough and hard enough in our conscious mind, these beliefs can wear us down. That, or else "negotiate a deal" with our minds; a deal that suits the old agenda. Even the most thoughtful of among us can second-guess ourselves into compromise when the "old messages" get the upper voice in one's mind. Add to this, memories and feelings of discomfort from the past involving similar experiences, and, well, it's easy to see how the clear outlines about what goals to set, how to hold intentions clearly, and how to let go of outcome can quickly become very muddy, and difficult to chart.
Individuals that meet success with their goals have a plan. They anticipate problems. They know that self-discipline and self-punishment are two very different things. They know, too, that a certain amount of missteps comes with the territory is part of the learning process. Successful maps are developed when responses that fit well into our agenda become part of our new daily practice. These responses are consistent. We learn to work with the ideas that make sense to us and are effective. Further, we continually notice our own behavior and understand how it impacts others. Our new road map begins to reflect a preference to be proactive rather than reactive. We come to see our goals clearly and work toward them steadily. We choose not to be victims when circumstances or fate scatters our plans; preferring instead to pick up the pieces, create a new strategy, and move forward. We are serious about our intentions. We practice what we preach by modeling the behavior we want to have: self-control, respect, fairness, and other such attributes. We also learn to maintain a sense of humor' humor is the essential oil that keeps things in perspective. We learn to make peace with the past and we become willing to take risks in order to open up to core truths. We strive to be open daily to subtle changes and shifts in our interactions and energy levels; flexibility is the key here. We see and appreciate the strength and beauty of individuals. We give emphasis to cooperation and understand that it is not our job to control, heal or fix anyone else except ourselves. Successful mapmakers believe in prevention and planning, just as they believe in living in the moment and accepting life as it shows up, rather than how we wish it had been.

Patterns of behavior take time to change. This is true for everyone. Process is process. Good choices are learned. Patience is essential. The efforts from beginner's map making efforts may take weeks before change is noticed. Our attitudes and shifts toward the positive change. Small movement toward a goal is still movement. A positive attitude, a willingness to examine your own behavior and see how it affects the process, the willingness to make a commitment to be true to yourself, your values, and your integrity are paramount. The courage of your own beliefs is the first step. It will take lots and lots of practice to change your own behavior and habits. Practice leads to a greater sense of mastery and confidence. The changes we wish to see begins with a change in our own expectation and behavior.

Breaking old patterns isn't easy but it can be done. Map making is a skill. It takes hard work and it takes a lot of time, and practice. Without it, we remain lost. Having a firm foundation (clarity of vision) upon which to draw, successful mapmakers will step up as the owners of their dreams, goals, and aspirations.
Even with the very best efforts, human relationships will always have its moments of conflict and misunderstanding. Relationships can be messy, and sometimes, despite our very best conscious efforts, there may be times when the rockiest of paths is chosen. Rocky paths are perfect learning experiences, too. And they have a place on the map of experience. We just need to be clear about the true nature of the map. Map making can feel like we've stepped into Wonderland at times. But unlike Alice, with clarity, intention, and attention, we can figure out which road to take. After all, we created a map that is perfect for our needs.

Brenda Murphy, MA, Director
The Georgia Centre for Parental Coaching, Inc.